I Want My Fairytale Ending

So although I do not usually agree with my doctor, I suppose she's right when she says I have problems. But while I acknowledge my problems, I also acknowledge the fault of others. There was a point when I thought that I was the worst person God ever put on the face of the earth. After much self-assessment, I have decided that there are much worse people out there. I mean, a clinically depressed cutter who gets in trouble for kissing in school is not so bad when lined up with a homicidal maniac or a serial rapist. But everyone looks at me like I'm crazy because instead of inflicting pain on other's, I prefer to keep it to myself. And it's not that I'm more screwed up than the typical teenager, I just happen to like the color red. It's not like I'm  a loner, I just prefer not to have other people's thoughts filling the air around me. It's not like i'm trying to be an absolute brat, I'm just tired of obeying rules that make me miserable.


Appearently I'm not supposed to believe it when a 17 year old guy tells me that he loves me and he wants to marry me and have kids with me and live happily ever after. I'm supposed to be the level-headed one. I'm not supposed to believe in fairytales. Maybe when I get older I'll succumb to the cynicallity that seems to come with age. But for now, I would much rather possess the fickle, flighty, easy to love spirit of youth. I want to feel free to love and be loved. I absoulutely love the way my heart flutters when I behold the face of my beloved love. And if he's lying about loving me, God forbidding, I'd much rather believe the lie that brings me joy and deal with the consequences later. And, I might add, I love my boyfriend with everything in me. I believe him and I will until the day I die. Anyone who has a problem with that should back the f*&k off of my fairytale!