I Want Your Love

There are lots of things people do for money. They sell their hair. Give away their kids. Work strange hours. Have sex. Just about anything. And while I'm pretty enough to be a call-girl, I've got too big of a consience and too much love for my boyfriend. So I babysit. I watch kids. Any day of the week. as long as I'm awake. It's pretty good money. And kids are simply hilarious!

I guess you're all wondering what the hell I'm trying to say. I'm wondering what the hell I'm tryna say. Remember my first blog? I think I touched on how I would try not to blog if I had nothing to say. But I need to vent. I just have nothing to vent about. And that's just it. I have nothing to say because I'm feeling nothing. Absolutely nothing. Well I'm hungry and tired, but I have no emotions.

So what the hell is wrong with me? So what if I'm not feeling anything. But au cotrair my readers, that's when I'm at the most risk. it's when I feel nothing that I realize how much I don't fit in. How much I need to cut. How much I need to starve myself. Because I need SOMETHING. Anything. I wish I could feel things like hurt or love or pain. pretty much anything.

Oh wait. I feel it. An emotion. It's. I don't know what it is... I guess I can call it longing. Longing. It has an emptiness to the word in itself. Like me. I'm empty. As empty as a beer bottle after a game of football. I'm empty and needy. I've been trying to fill that need with everything from food to self-torture to conjuring up a life that doesn't exist. But now I realize that all that I'm longing for is love. Were to find it is another mystery.